


Stavaens biZAARrre AdveNTure !!!!

by Sopharii_is_hot



Category: Bruno Mars (Musician), wocka flocka flame
Genre: 411, ;), Angst, Businessmen, Catfish - Freeform, Cheating, Death, Drugs, EX standup comedian, Eventual Smut, Fights, Gay, God? - Freeform, Guns, I repeat, Love Triangles, M/M, Money, Multi, Online Dating, Original Character(s), Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Romance, Slow Burn, Slurs, Soulmates, Timbs, Tongue Piercings, Warehouse, almonds, blingbling boy, brunbrun, crippin, drip, even on a rainy day, fluff?, gunzzz, i am not ok, mentally ill, million dolla pussy, not a gas leak, only TRUe Bruno Mars fan would know, pocket homes, pope is hot?, pope thirst trap?, the Catholic Church, the pope - Freeform, we are not ok, wishmaking, wocka flocka flame - Freeform, woka flocka flame, wwwfd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:13:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28830996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sopharii_is_hot/pseuds/Sopharii_is_hot
Summary: uh oh looks like Stavaen met a hot Christian babe after being beat up by a man in j lo tats, short chapter about our oc and bruno mars
Relationships: Bruno Mars/OC, Bruno Mars/Original Character(s), Waka Flocka Flame/ original character
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. ORLANDO FLAWDA 🥵

This was Stavaen’s first day by himself in Orland, Florida, no longer held down by the suffocating pressure from his family owned company that has and will save you 15% or more on car insurance. Did his father really believe his son, who has 69 and the Nike symbol tattooed on him backwards, would be able to handle taking over the family company? Unsurprisingly as soon the timbs Stavaen bought from craigslist started to get to his head and he began to act out, accidentally embezzling one hundred thousand dollars from the family company to cop some Waka Flocka merch and supplies to keep his timbs the freshest on the street. His father took matters into his own hands and took his shiny black loafers that encased his size 11 mens feet and kicked his own son out. 

Practically homeless, Stavaen took to the streets for a couple days. Roaming around the urban roads, mindlessly being puppeteered by his high top brown timbs. “Up and down” the timbs commanded, seemingly controlling his every move. Since he has the same brain capacity as a feral child in the toy section of a Walmart. He went around babbling to the neighborly street thugs. For undefined reasons that can not be disclosed, stavaen yearned to find a trap house to shelter in. He knew that his only talent was being used by people, and oh how The People loved using Stavan. So he thought that selling illegal drugs was his way to becoming the successful adult he aspired to be, just like Waka Flocka, his idol. He had posters of the rapper sprawled over his room, or what used to be his room before his father and his shiny size 11 black loafers kicked him out.


	2. ICE ATTACK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> STAVAEN BECOMES ICY AND DRIPPY 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

He was naive and dumb, and thought the reason why his father kicked him out was because of his new timbs he had bought, his prized possession and not because he was accidentally embezzeling the companies money to his buy timb cleaning supplies and waka flocka merch. He felt too attached to part with them, to solve his dilemma, he went out seeking passed out drunkards in an alleyway next to a local nightclub. Riddled with dangerously intoxicated patrons of the club, only one caught his eye. A 6’5 Nordic God who was luckily passed out with some fresh, seemingly new, shoes, Mens Size 7 Black Nike Air Force, not his taste but he was willing to try them out if it meant no longer being under the control of his timbs he bought from Craigslist. Though his feet were not as big and manly as his father, that didn’t stop him from continuing his search for a trap house.


	3. The Gooch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> big man beats up stavene? Stavaen finds home?? The homie??

He got beat by a handful of street thugs but at least he got the information he was desperately in need of. After getting bodied by a beefy and swole man littered in tattoos of J-Lo and other well known female singers for not matching his fit correctly (half-and-half timbs AND black Air Forces), he heard the Love don’t cost a thing by Jennifer Lopez ringtone come from the man's pocket. While not giving single care to eavesdrop over the mountain of a man that just beat him up, something suddenly caught his undivided attention. The man didn’t communicate well, since he only spoke through grunts and very manly mumbles, looking closer at the man’s phone read the name “THE Homie'' with a contact photo of Waka Flocka skiing in the Appalachian Mountains with the caption “Icey 🥶''. Overhearing their conversation, he heard what he assumed was “THE homie” talk about trap houses or ‘Trap Havens’ as he called them. Stavaen had never felt so relieved in his life, that he suddenly forgot about the broken ribs the big and girthy man had given him. He sprang up and happily skipped toward him and told him that he absolutely needed to meet this “homie” guy and he was the perfect, maybe even overqualified,, to run or work at a trap house. He didn’t have much experience except for the period of time of being under control of the timbs he bought from Craigslist and the fact he looked like a drug dealer, face tats and the swagger. In all honesty he doesn’t remember getting the tattoos on his face and he just blames them on the brown high top Timbs. Confused, the man sends “THE homie” a voice message. More deep and testosterone filled grunts were made. Realizing the potential opportunity to exploit Stavaen’s naiveness, the swole man grinned crookedly with his shiny golden grill and sent yet another voice message, except that he sounded a bit more energetic? 

Past all the scary looking tattoos of popular female singers and his big frame, he was a swell guy, after all he did set up Stavaen to work at a trap haven. He never got the man's name but that didn’t bother him at all since they would soon part their separate ways. The man gave Stavaen the home address for one of many of the Trap Havens ``The Homie'' had. 283 Baskets Ave. Once Stavaen wrote down the address on his shiny rock hard abs it was already dark. Stavaen had been living on the streets for a few days now, so he's already familiar with the mapping of rural Orlando and its bustling highways. Stavaen is on his way to start a new life, lifestyle template courtesy of Waka Flocka.


	4. TRAPOLOGY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRAP AND OLOGY

When Stavaen first walked into his new home, he was immediately hit with the strong aroma of fresh weed mixed with various smells of cheap men’s cologne that could be bought at a JC Pennys. He wasn’t used to these very strong scents since at his old home, his dad would try his absolute hardest to keep the house scent free in fear of future guests suffering an allergic reaction and then losing a potential customer for his family owned car insurance company "(731)-383-2701, call this number to save you 15% or more in car insurance". In the living room he was greeted by a small and stumpy built man and a tall lanky bone withering looking guy. The small guy introduced himself as B-Rollz and then informed Stavaen of the stick figure of a guy as Succulent. Succulent didn’t talk much and just laid there on the worn out couch with questionable stains on it. B-Rollz however, was more alive than Succulent and showed Stavaen around the house. To the leaky pipes and the black mold growing in the wet damp corners, B-Rolls made sure to show everything to Stavaen. He then set a rule of guidelines for the house. 

HOUSE RULES

ALWAYS SAVE A 1 CUP OF BATH WATER  
It stays between the fam, ABSOLUTELY NO GOV. OFFICIALS  
No playing Brockhampton inside the house (it scares succulent)  
No watching tv before 10 am  
Only an hour worth of light per day  
10 toes pls  
Scrape all leftovers into The bin especially orange peels  
All glass bottles must be kept under the sink and always have one next to your sleeping corner.   
Pls dont use the bidet  
Don't touch the jukebox unless you are 6’0>


	5. FLACKS FAN CLUB

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the homie gives Stavaen a beautifully well thought out and poetic voicemail, the voice being the most influential and inspiring piece of literature ever to be made by mankind. Inspiring Stavaen to put his foot down and grab the world by its one ball and push through his hard ships that is living in the trap haven

The next morning Stavaen awoke in his cold, damp and clammy corner to find a small box to his left. It was a present poorly wrapped in brown joint wrappers and held together by three bandaids, the good waterproof kinds that when you put on, it would sometimes trap water in between them so every time you took them off it would smell funky. The box had a handwritten note attached to it, a paper towel with red crayon scratched onto it. It seemed like The Homie tried to send a message to Stavaen, but couldn’t hold his utensils properly since he never went through all 12 years of school, as the towel was a jumbled mess of vowels, an unusual amount of Z’s, and stereotypical rapper sound effects, SKKRT, GRRR, GRATATA and so forth. After a few failed attempts to decipher what the alien-like writing was trying to say, Stavaen just gave up and opened the gift. Hopefully nothing important was written on the note. It was an 8-inch metallic silver huawei touch screen smart phone, it had a couple scratches on and when he turned on the phone, there was a green line in the middle of the screen. It wasn't too noticeable but it still kinda got in the way. He could never tell what time it was because of the green line obstructing his line of sight. As he unlocked the smartphone, in the bottom right corner of the screen was a red bubble overlapping a green phone icon. He hovered his thumb over the pixels and it redirected him to a voice mail left for him by The Homie. 

“SURPRISE SHAWTY! I heard you a waka-head too. It's crazy to have someone on my side here now. Us flockanators have to stick together, so i got you a phone that i stole off of a guy my homie shot. Don't worry, I cleared the memory, BRAND NEW NOW. SKRRT YUUUH, anyways. Let's stop talkin bout flocka. Lets get you some of your own clients to sell 100% not laced weed, acid, meth, shrooms, heroine, coke, and all that good stuff. I like baking, so i bake weed brownies, destressifiying AND working at the same time, WHAT A GUY amiright GGRG. also, since todays your first day, come to the abandoned Trapperware at 7:37pm. Peace YUHHHHH----- *robot voice* ‘call has been redirected to huawei customer service for prolonged activity’ ” 

He ended the call in a continuous yuh until it cut off.


End file.
